What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Do you know what she said mum?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Why is it rare for someone to despise both the Democrats and Republicans?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

True - how I loved my mum!

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Why are men so attracted to big breasts?

What! how could you do that?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Can a cop pull you over walking home asking why you are out so late?

What do you mean son?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

How do you identify a woman player?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Why do diabetic people sweat so much?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”